One of my favorite pictures of Zoe. Her favorite spot was laying on our bed and she would snuggle with all of us for hours.
Well, we went from the roller coaster high of learning our baby girl would be making her appearance in just six days to finding out later that same day that our firstborn, Zoe, was extremely sick. Zoe had been having trouble keeping her food down beginning back in August. Around the same time, she woke up from a nap with one of her eyes somewhat rolled in the back of her head. Drew took her to the ER since it was a Saturday and they ran lots of tests and came back with the diagnosis of Horner's Syndrome. Basically, this was a symptom of other issues but nothing could be clearly identified. We followed up with our normal vet and they also had trouble finding a cause for the Horner's Syndrome and the vomiting. In the meantime, she seemed to be happy and feeling ok so we decided to just make some adjustments to her food and see how it went. Everything, including her eye, seemed to improve so we just kept watch.
Unfortunately last week things seemed to get worse again. She wasn't keeping much of anything down so we scheduled an appointment with the vet again. Of course, when Drew took her there she acted fine and the vet couldn't see anything wrong with her. Later that day after coming home, she continued to get sick after each meal and even after drinking water. So, back to the vet they went and after more x-rays and test, it was determined that she had Mega-Esophagus. Apparently, the esophagus gets stretched out like a deflated balloon and doesn't propel the food and water into the stomach like it should. Unfortunately, there's no cure. It is manageable with medication, feeding more frequently (6-8 times per day), restricting water intake, and feeding the dog in an upright position. Some people online even made special chairs for their dogs to sit in while eating. We figured it was worth a shot so Thursday she came back home with lots of medication and special instructions. Unfortunately, she would not take any of the medicine or eat any food and did not appreciate Drew holding her up after every drink she took. And to top it off, she was still getting sick. It was quickly becoming obvious that this was not our normal energetic, easily excitable dog. As Friday came and went and she was still not eating, we began to realize that she knew her time had come and we had to accept it as well. Drew made the tough call to the vet to schedule an appointment for the next day and we began to say our final goodbyes. Early the next morning, after a long night of lots of love, tears, and pain, we said farewell to the most loving and loyal companion we've ever known.
I always knew that one day the time would come that Zoe would not be in our lives but I had always hoped that she would grow old and when the time was right, just slip away peacefully. Never did I want to be the one to make the decision for her. Unfortunately, it would have been selfish of us to let her go on suffering. I think she was actually trying to make the decision easier on us by not eating. Nonetheless, seeing her go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Of course, my sadness is compounded by guilt as I question if we did all we could for her, if she knew how much we loved her and how much she impacted our lives. For those that knew her, Zoe was by no means an easy dog. She was afraid of storms and fireworks, whined for food and had a tail that could be used as a deadly weapon but she could cuddle with the best of them, was always overly excited to see us come home, and provided unconditional love like her heart was going to explode. And it was all of these things that made us love her that much more. We can only hope that we did the right thing at the right time and that in the end, she understood.
I'm not sure how long it will take for my heart to heal. Right now, the grief comes in waves. When I open the door to see only one wagging tail or when I walk by our bed and don't see her peeking up from under our blankets. I know that someday it will get easier and I'll be able to focus on all the wonderful memories she provided our family. There were definitely plenty of those memories. Thank you, Zoe! We love you!
Rosie and Zoe, best buddies, waiting to welcome Paige home from the hospital. I know Rosie is missing her sister as much as the rest of us right now.
Zoe was not much of an outdoor dog but when she found a warm spot on the concrete or grass, she loved to bask in the sun.
Zoe sharing her favorite space with Paige (7 months). Zoe was so patient and gentle with Paige and Paige loved her big sister dearly.
Paige and Zoe relaxing together. When we told Paige Zoe had gone to Heaven to be with Jesus, she responded by saying, "Zoe is in outer space."
Paige and Zoe on our last night together. Paige brought out her vet kit and was trying to make Zoe better. How I wish it would have worked!
